Alone but not Lonelish

I have been pretending (for say close to eleven month) that I am okay with this bullshit existence the global society currently find themselves in. I am not adjusting. I am in the happiest state of my introverted life and yet I crave person to person contact. I have mostly been indulging on my GBaby who doesn’t understand why G lives alone. “G-Momma when I leave you stay here by yourself” this she ask every time she’s preparing to leave as if the idea of living alone is incomprehensible. She’s three, and with her learning curve she understands that no man should live alone. Unless you’re me…

I want to have company but I also don’t want anyone in my house for fear that they are not as cautious as I am. With that I also do not want to people to come to my house for fear they will not leave. I know that burst of laughter you just had is cute until you come to my house and realize I have created a state of peace and calm that calls people to leave their troubles at the door along with your damn shoes. People it is 2021, no you may not keep your shoes on, if so you will stand at the door. I know you think I drifted but the shoes coming off at the door, the leaving your outside shit at the door, conversations of progress and healing within my space are boundaries that have taking me years to set.

But it has been this process of Alone that has allowed me to recognize that seclusion from person to person interaction is what has kept my physical and mental health at it’s optimal. At first I thought I was going to go crazy in this house alone, then I discovered there were years where I would deny my own personal sensuality for the benefit of others. Well fuck you 2020 for forcing me to double down on doing the work.

However, it was the work that said slow down, step back, and observe…